By Stump Connolly

I’m not saying Donald Trump doesn’t have a brain. I’m just saying if he has one, he should show it. And I hope he does have one. Don’t get me wrong. It would be very hard to grow all that hair artificially without a brain. So we have to presume he was born with a brain and maybe . . . maybe he just lost his mind somewhere along the way.

But the American people need proof. I’ve had investigators going around New York looking at some of the buildings he built and I have to say there are serious questions about Mr. Trump’s taste. Now I know that taste does not equate with intelligence. Just because you are tasteless doesn’t mean you are brainless. But it’s just one more sign that there’s more to this rumor that Mr. Trump is a life size Ken Doll clone manufactured in a Mattel skunkworks in Santa Barbara than people think.

He says he was born in Brooklyn. A lot of stupid people were born in Brooklyn so that’s a plausible explanation. And I hope he was born in Brooklyn because that would explain a lot. But we don’t know. And even if he was born in Brooklyn, that doesn’t mean God gave him all the parts.

The easy way would be for him to just produce his brain. A facsimile isn’t good enough. I mean, you can fake it on intelligence tests. Look at Gary Busey. Mr. Trump says he is one of the most intelligent and creative people who ever appeared on Celebrity Apprentice. And Celebrity Apprentice is one of the most challenging reality shows on TV.

Hard Evidence: Open Your Mind

So we really need some hard evidence. I’m willing to go so far as to pay for the operation that will take his brain out of his head so people will know for sure, once and for all, that Mr. Trump does have one. Of course, we’d need to have expert observers there when they take it out. I’d still like to touch it, feel the ridges and make sure it’s a human brain. But that’s really the only way the American people can be certain Mr. Trump is firing on both cylinders.

Hosting a reality TV show is too important to be left to a nincompoop. Sunday nights in America would be a wasteland if all we could watch were 60 Minutes and Game of Thrones. We need to know that the man who is firing all those celebrities isn’t just picking their names out of a hat. I know he has his children there to help him make those decisions, but if he’s not the real McCoy, why should we believe they are?

It could be, and I’m not saying it is, but it could be there’s a whole batch of Ken and Barbie clones out there in California that didn’t meet spec so Mattel secretly pawned them off on unsuspecting families as would-be TV stars. That would explain a lot about what’s wrong with America. And frankly, I don’t care.

But if you are running for president, you really should have a brain. The people in all 48 states deserve the best man that money can buy. And Mr. Trump would be a formidable candidate, if he only had a brain.

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